by Sarah Becker
Jules Osmany, a motivational speaker based in Northampton and a former TV makeup artist, holds a deep-seated enthusiasm for the topic of confidence. So much so, she is gearing up to host a series of confidence workshops in Northampton in March this year.
In a preview with ‘Northantsmag,’ Jules divulged her top five strategies for enhancing your confidence:
1. ‘Learned behaviour can be unlearned‘
“Let’s talk about the challenge of not having confidence. Typically lack of confidence stems from fear – there is something holding you back. Intriguingly, we are born with just two fears -one is falling the other is of loud noises.
In my opinion most things after that are learned behaviour.
Consider this scenario: if, at the age of two, your mum says; ‘don’t go near that dog, it might bite,’ that could affect your confidence around dogs.
Or an experience in primary school such as being asked to read a story aloud to the class, only to hear laughter from your classmates from the back of the room, that can actually affect you for life.”
However, despite these challenges, Jules is optimistic about the ability for transformation. To start facilitating this, she is running a three-hour workshop in March dedicated to exploring and analysing various forms of confidence.
” Anybody who feels they would benefit from a confidence boost is invited to attend,” she says.
I can guarantee that when you are with someone who exudes confidence, it’s going to affect you and once you have carried out that action you are scared of taking, and find it’s not as bad as you think, you are going to want to do it again. You are going to feel so confident at the end of it.”
The workshops are designed to be inclusive – all are welcome to attend.
During her research, Jules discovered a gender perspective on confidence ;women often express concerns about their appearance whereas men often mentioned behavioural issues such as not speaking up in a meeting.
2. Key to unleashing your confidence: embrace solo adventures as an adult
How often have you found your enthusiasm dampened because others didn’t share in your excitement? Or perhaps you’ve been let down by friends who backed out of plans at the last minute. Jules advocates for a powerful solution; embark on the journey of self-confidence alone.
“I was nine when I discovered my interest in nursing. Excited, I shared with my friends about a Junior Red Cross society training meeting expecting them to join me. To my disappointment, none of them showed any interest.My enthusiasm dampened, initially I decided against going, but my mother’s encouragement led me to venture to the meeting.
Arriving at an imposing Victorian building I entered a room full of girls chattering animatedly. For the first minute it felt really uncomfortable but within 5 minutes I managed to strike up a conversation with another girl my age.
It’s a life lesson Jules has applied to many situations throughout her adult life, finding her solo adventures both liberating and exciting.
Being alone can be therapeutic, almost addictive. If you have someone that enjoys the same thing as you that’s terrific, but the problem lies in that very often you don’t.
Imagine the scenario where I am obsessed with a particular Dutch painter and decide to take you to one of his exhibitions. I want to stare at that painting for 15 minutes I’ll probably get all teary. I can’t imagine you’re going to want to stand there for 15 minutes. You’ll probably keep letting me know you’re not happy, make me feel rubbish about it, and want to leave. Alternatively you could have gone on your own with 895 people in the theatre who are all there for the same reason. My advice is, if you can’t find someone who also obsesses over the same thing as you, go on your own. You’ll have a much better time.”
“If you enjoy sitting down watching the world go by with a coffee, that’s lovely, just do it!”
3. Ignore ‘naysayers’ and don’t let ‘your tribe’ talk you out of your dreams.
The impact of other people’s opinions on our self-esteem is widely recognized. Criticism and judgment from friends, family members and even acquaintances can be enough to induce self doubt. This can be attributed to our tribal nature; deviation from group norms often triggers a negative response. For those lacking in confidence, this dynamic may result in shelving ideas or passions that you once believed were great.
Jules shares her personal journey towards fulfilling a life-long dream, undeterred by the criticism of others.
“Ever since I was a child, I had a dream of visiting Bora Bora, a tiny remote island in the Pacific Ocean.
Yet when I decided to pursue this dream I was met with disbelief and criticism. I had people calling me mad, bonkers and selfish; for wanting to go on my own without my family. Friends and colleagues did the tribe thing – they said ‘do you not think it’s selfish leaving your children?’ ‘You could get bitten by a shark, you could get ill.’ All were valid points but they didn’t didn’t put me off though.
Why do people feel the need to discourage others?
“It’s a tribal instinct”, says Jules. “When someone strays too far from the perceived safety of the tribe, there’s a pull to reel them back in. This is particularly pronounced in extensive family networks where departure from the group is viewed with fear and suspicion.
However, my desire to visit the cool crystal waters of Bora Bora was stronger than the pushback I was receiving.
“Determined, I marched into a travel agents in Abington Street and said, ‘I want to go to Bora Bora. I looked at the price, and booked it. I went on May 6th – I wanted to be there on a beach on my 50th birthday. It turned out to be the most liberating, exciting adventure of my life and nothing will beat that. That sense of freedom and adventure was incredible.”
4. Travelling solo as an adult enables you to connect with people you wouldn’t speak to if you went with others.
“When I went to Bora Bora, it was a typical honeymoon destination. I remember the newly-wed couples who were together at every single meal, at the beach, or in the hotel. I met up with a local guide, trekked up a volcano and struck up a conversation with a native whose grandfather was a cannibal. He introduced me to someone who took me to an island.
There, I met a fire walker. One night he was cooking and he put loads of banana leaves in the pot, and as we sat there in the cool night air, I thought that this is as good as my life is going to get.
All those people that came in couples will never get to see any of that.”
5. Wear what the hell you like.
“Picture yourself about to give a presentation to a room of 25 people. What outfit would you choose to feel absolutely fantastic?
Remember, each day presents a new opportunity to select your attire and style your hair in ways that boost your confidence.
Your wardrobe can vary day by day. The key is to wear what makes you feel great, irrespective of others’ opinions. What matters most is your comfort and the confidence that comes with it.”
And for good measure, if you aren’t feeling confident, ‘fake it till you make it.’
Confidence is a learned art and if you come across as confident, people will start to believe it. As the mantra goes, ‘fake it till you make it!’ This morning, I received a sudden call asking me to be on air in two minutes talking about the TV show ‘Naked Attraction’.
It was a phone-in which was going to be aired in the US. In fact, I’m actually a fan of the show, so I couldn’t think of anything better than talking about it! I love the fact that people have got the balls to go on air naked. We are naturally curious about people.
For further information on Jules’ upcoming confidence workshops contact: jules@osmany.net tel: 07990786859